I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
