could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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