Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
