Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He felt like a one man threesome
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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