You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
