so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize