i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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