Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
