I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
