i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
