I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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