Whod you bang
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
