Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
