I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
