You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
