I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
