Please, let me fuck your mom
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
