i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
