Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
