i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
