I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
