you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
