Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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