I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
