I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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