I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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