she kept yelling 'call me bella'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
