I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got inside last night via doggy door
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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