My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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