Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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