maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
