You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
