Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
