Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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