the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
