Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
