Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i came on her dog
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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