I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
