Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
