Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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