I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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