The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
