just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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