This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
