if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
