Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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