I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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