forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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