Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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