I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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