I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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