I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is the high leading the old right now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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