We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
