you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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