Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
