The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
