im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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