There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
