guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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