you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
