Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
