I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
